Bangalore's Traffic has no Religion!

Before anyone loses it, this post has nothing to do with God.

Having said that, what I mean is, that the traffic in Bangalore is so fearless that it feels like it must not be fearing any God, in fact it is so fearless that it must be an athiest being! And I call it a being, because Bangalore's traffic is a class apart. Its not your Mumbai traffic that is lazy and is accomodating of the fact that there will be a traffic jam at a particular point and time and its part of life. You don't want to be on the road, then catch the train...

The Bangalore traffic is also unlike the Delhi/ NCR traffic. No one cares what car you are driving in Bangalore. Which is unlike Delhi! Plus, the roads in Bangalore are yet to be the same as Delhi, so the focus is not the same on what is on the road, its more, bro if there is a road, then we can talk about whats on it!

Bangalore traffic is an aggressive traffic! Its ruled by the two wheelers and amongst them, the gearless are the Gods. The traffic rule in Bangalore is not a function of the vehicle or the road or the area or the ethnicity, its a simple question of do you have it in you to maneouver yourself through the traffic?

Everyone who has been to Bangalore knows that this is one city, that is famous for one thing - One Ways! The road you take to get to office is not the one you take to get home. Given this premise, it pays to know the roads and the in roads. And this is where, the two wheel rider rules! Any point in the day and at any point on the road, 50% of the traffic is 2 wheeler. And any rider in Bangalore knows that, it takes skill to get through every stretch of the road! And I know it first hand, cause I ride to work everyday.

Now Bangalore's morning traffic has something that I like to call 'The Office Lane'. This is the 2 feet space on the left side of the road. The side you are not supposed to overtake from, and the side that is everyone's favourite to do just that. Some times the space is less than 2 feet, and this is when the pedestrian walkways, become a part of this lane. It takes skill to ride through this lane. Firstof all, its the skill of spotting the right entry point. You cannot be just driving in this lane throughout. This lane comes into existence, when the traffic is otherwise at a standstill, especially at the traffic signals. Once you have entered the lane, you can cover as much as 10 minutes worth of distance, while the rest of the traffic is in a standstill. This helps most, when you know that a junction will be packed at a particular time and you have no choice but to go through it. So you will see, that at almost all the signals, the two wheelers will be trickling into every available empty space, like a slithering liquid, trying to not let go of a single opportunity to flow forward.

The Office Lane is not for the chicken hearted! Oh no. If you don't have the skills nor the will, then don't get into the lane. You will be blocking others and are a potential hazard. Your not moving, will cause someone else behind you to become more daring and find a way past you. Its a slithering liquid. If you solidify, doesn't mean it will too. In the attempt to go past you, chances are that either you will be bumped, or told to move, or the person will attempt a dangerous over take. Essentially, anyone who doesn't know how to work the Office Lane, is a traffic hazard.

But these clogged junctions are not what defines the Bangalore traffic. To me, intrinsically, Bangalore is always racing. Some are racing against time, while most, are racing against each other. Everyday,  as I go to work, I am either racing my clock, and on days when I am not, someone else decides to race against me. Its not that simple though, racing against someone in traffic. Firstly, its not an announced race. Its more understood. Someone cuts your way in the traffic, you can either hurl curses at them or decide to cut them back. When you decide the latter, you have announced that you are here to challenge. From there on, till the time you are on the same road, it matters who is ahead. Secondly, most of the time,  you wouldn't hurl abuses. And even if you do, you will still end up saying, "I'll fucking show that fucker!" So the race is now declared.

Once the race is on, everything comes into play. If I was to ask you to guess who wins, or rather, what kind of machine wins, most will say, the more powerful one. You are right. But this race in the traffic, is not about testing the machine, and thus the outcome is not a function of the machine. Its the rider. And beleive me, the gearless, always beleive thet they will win. Oh my god, everytime I see a race, the gearless, followed closely by the zippies (RX-100), always move like they own the road. Its facinating to see that a 'scooty', is trying to compete against a Yamaha RX-15. and its even more facinating to see the scooty win!

2 wheelers apart, the traffic also displays various kinds of car drivers. Thecab driversare the most daring here. The autorickshaws not as bad as New Delhi...

However the worst kinds are the 'safe' drivers. I mean c'mon now! You have a kilometer of space ahead of you, move that shit! I find myself often saying to myself on the road - Re koode ne chala le, na road se hata le - either move that trash or move out of the road. Add to that, drivers seeking directions! In the time of gps, how difficult is it to use your smartphone and get directions in advance, or at least stop by the side and look them up. Why on earth woukd you stall traffic and ask for directions in the midst of the office rush. I urge all the car drivers, be safe, but not at the expense of others! Its very irritating when you are riding at 50kmph and have to screech to a halt, because the car in front is being safe at a speedbraker by slowing down to 5kmph, 100 meters before the approach! 

Still, accidents or bumps are a rarity in Bangalore. You dont see too many cars bumped in Bangalore,  unlike Delhi or even Mumbai. 

You Did Not Break Me.

I like to tell you a story

I don’t know if you’ll believe me or

If you’ll just think it’s a figment of my imagination

In reality I don’t really care

But I will still tell you

I was in love once and I realized

That this was the best that could happen to me

To be in love and feel that every moment of your life

Must be dedicated to the person you’re with

That every second and breath spent must be for them

I felt happy I felt good I felt amazing

Almost like I was a bird and I could fly

Until the reality dawned upon me

I started to see the chinks in my armour

I started to be overcome by my insecurity

I started to get overwhelmed by my expectations

I started to feel like I was about to lose all of this

And so I decided to fuck it up once again in life

I decided that I didn’t deserve this and that I

Wasn’t worth it

All of a sudden all I could think of was how to get away

How to run away

How not to be where I was

How not to feel what I was feeling

I was scared that I will just feel so lost without her

That I must leave now

That I need to find myself before I give myself up

That this feeling of love will not last forever and that

It will consume me

Little did I know that behind my back

That other person had already decided to leave me

While I was left to battle my demons and I could see them rising

I was left to fight a battle that I had not seen coming

I was being left for what, I don’t know

But I was being left

Left for nobody, left for nothing

Left as nobody, left as nothing

By the time I realized this, it was far too late

I didn’t get it for time beyond I was left

Today I wish I could bash their head into a wall

And then wail over their broken head

But it still doesn’t help to imagine that

Every key on a piano feels like it was a teardrop in my heart

I continued to battle these fears like I was under a spell

A spell from the Scarecrow

Like whatever I did, I was not in the right direction

That this was not a boat I could row

Caught up alone in the middle of the ocean

I didn’t know where to go

So I fled the scene and told myself

That nothing ever again will come

Remotely as close to me feeling the way I did

The way I did before and the way I did after

Years gone by, I have at times

Felt like I was wrong in feeling so

But I stand today again where I do

And realize that that was the truth

Nothing ever will come even close to me feeling so

The way I did before and the way I did after

I have decided, no, concluded that nothing

Can affect me to believe otherwise

No songs from Linkin Park

No songs of love

No songs of despair can repair or prepare this soul

To feel any different from what it does today

My soul has arrived and my soul has realized

That this what I am meant to be

That this is what I am supposed to be

I keep saying me, but that’s the lesson to be

I have to learn to be selfish and not selfless

I have to learn to that if I be a martyr

The world sees a victim

I have to learn that there is no glory in giving alone

As then you get left alone

There may however be glory in living

And living for yourself

Nothing is better than keeping your soul alive

Nothing is lovelier than loving yourself

Call it selfish, doesn’t matter

I still live longer

I still live happier

Its my lesson to learn

Its not yours

Someday it will be

Maybe it already has been

I don’t need you to love me

I need me to love me

And anybody else can feel differently

I don’t care

I will continue to listen to the songs that i do

I will continue to feel deprived, let down,

left behind, left alone

But I will do so, cause I like to

Not cause I have to

I like to be alone, I like to be on my own

I don't need company

I don't need another one

I don't need THE ONE

I AM THE ONE

And I didn't know that till yet

But now I do

So Fuck YOU!

Linkin Park!!!!

No no no, before you start wondering if I attended a concert or better, if they are coming to India. Nope. Nada.

Though on the latter bit all I am going to say is, the world lives on hope and we owe it to Kratos! :P

Anyhow, coming back to the title. I don't know how many LP fans are still ou there because there are so many who claim to have "grown out of it"! Well, fuck you! No one grows out of a band. you only change your stage in life. So at a point in time when you idenitified with "Numb", LP was the greatest band ever and now suddenly when your own "numbness" has been healed and you are begining to be felt again, you say, oh you know I've grown out of the band!

Sorry, about the rage. My point being, I have learnt that over years somethings never change. And that does not necessarily mean that you are still harboring an old feeling. Good, or bad. Its like as a child, papaya tasted like washing soap to me, but now I love it. Still I don't have it everyday. At the same time its not a fruit I tolerate, I enjoy it. And you can stop wondering how I came to the conclusion of papaya = washing soap.

At the same time, papaya did not replace any fruit for me. I did not stop eating bananas or mangoes. Neither, did it help me appreciate any other fruit that I did not then. I still cannot tolerate a chikoo/ sapota! Yuck! Sand mixed with sugar... So while I 'grew' into papaya, i did not 'grow out' of any other fruit.

Same is the case with music too. you cannot ever outgrow a band. It will remain unique for you forever. You may grow to like a new band, but you don't get over another one. Its a different case if the reason for you to 'beleive' so is caused because of space constraint on your music shelf, cd case or hdd. Don't blame them for you having a new muse. if you still do not beleive me, I challenge you that the next time you are sitting and working on your comp, go to youtube, open LP Road to Revolution (coz thats the latest) and plug in on your earphones. Let the music run in the BG and tell me if you don't feel the rush.

I Challenge you!

Dakht - e - tassarruff!!

Ok...smart alecs out there, I am aware that this doesn't mean anything. Its just that these were the words a friend of mine said when she was trying to recite the most kick fucking ass couplet and ended up messing her words of Urdu. She then called up her mom in that super drunk state at four in the morning...just to ask what the couplet was...and she told her as well!! That's the day when the term dakht - e - tasarruff came to be representing the state in which you are so fucked....so fucked and yet your fucked up - ness has an attitude to it. And trust me it was so, coz what we heard after the correction, gave us goosebumps...at least to me. It was a rush of blood, emotions, adrenaline, what not!! "mera toh dakht -e- tasarruff ho gaya!!!"

some words just do that to you huh? Dude....that one couplet! And I am sure that you wanna know what it is....lemme recite it for you...and then give you the meaning to it....

Saare phaldar darakhton par

Tasarruff unka!

Jispar patta bhi nahi hai

Woh shajar mera hai...

Tu mujhe pakar bhi nakhush hai,

Yeh kismat teri hai.

Main tujhe khokar bhi khush hoon

Yeh jigar mera hai!!!

For those of you who dint get jack of the above...here's the explanation -

You have the right over all the fruit laden trees,

While I own a dead tree, which doesn't even have a leaf.

You are unhappy to find me, and that's just your fate.

I happy even at losing you, and that's just my audacity and my dare!

Doesn't that just kick fuckin ass man! and like how!!! Its something I would say to my boss the day I quit my job. Or to a backstabbing friend, or an unfaithful girlfriend. Its filmy, its heavy, but it still is what it is...It just makes you stop thinkin for that split second and say, ...."damn!"

I know...mera bhi Dakht - e - tasarruff ho gaya!

debts! Debts!! DEBTS!!!

It is a very boring day for me today, but there is so much happening inside my head. So much that I am finding it difficult to cope with it. Its something that I was told by a friend of mine (Tantrik Baba!!) a few days back. And it kinda changed my outlook to a certaing things in life. I have come to realize that in this life that I lead, or rather have been living so far, it has been centred around just one thing - love. And all my inner grief has also been always sorrounded by it. With dad, mom, sister, friends, girlfriends...everyone...

So I tried to look back at it and tried to figure out as to why it has always been a problem for me. You know, to find love as they say. It is surely not an easy thing. Ask me, it took me over twenty years to finally be in love with my mom. And I am still learning to love my dad. It took my sister about 13 years to be in love with me. Oh, and just to make it a lil simpler, I mean like and love, not just love. I have been in love with a few ladies and hated them too. With some it took a few days to realize that it wasn't love and with some I am yet to realize. But this one thing that I was told, kinda gave me a new perspective to things. My friend was doing some astrology for me and said, "You have a different taste in your love life aint it?" I said yes and then she goes like, "Lemme tell you something. Every relation that you have, is a debt from the past life that you need to balance out now. And it would be from both sides. It is a balance that needs to be restored or it will continue to happen." At first I was amused at it. It made me think, does that mean I'll always be just paying off debts and never be able to be in a relation? Shit, does that mean no love! And then I thought over it again and I thought, this aint limited to just one relation. ALL RELATIONS that I HAVE would have this statement applicable to them. That's when I started to think a lil more wierdly!

After all, what is this life about. Its all business. You gain some and you give some. Everywhere there is an exchange of feelings and emotions. And that's what it will be about always. And what is interesting is how we look at it. Like one would say that a hermit is someone who has probabaly paid off all his debts and thus doesn't owe anything to anybody or take anyhting from anyone. But on the other hand you could also say that a Hermit is someone, who owes too much to be able to pay it up in one life and he has to give up everything that he has to settle that debt of his.

Come to think of it, you can never settle all your debts, that's the only thing that keeps you alive. And once you realize that you are in this business mode, it becomes easier to live around people. You know, like at least in my case I have begun to be able to less emotional and more open to people around me. If someone is not being nice to you then he is probably returning to you what you gave him in your last life or he is taking loan from you for his current life which he would give you in the next life. Its just that simple. Its like each one of us is a bank and each of us is a customer. We make deposits and we withdraw as well, from each other. And since you would always be either giving credit or taking it, the balance would never be achieved. And maybe the day it does, that will be the day that we achieve salvation.

Salavtion. How would it be like when you achieve salvation? Would there be music? Would there be light? Whats it like? Is it like an orgasm? Why does everyone want to attain nirvana? Why does my mind search for it with some fear mixed in the search? What is it like to be able to live life without ever feeling that somebody owes you anything? It is easy to feel that you are free of all debts, but how does it feel when you know that no one else owes you anything as well. Would there be a feeling of lonliness that no one would ever come to you, beacause they dont need to? Or would it be like evryone would be more open to you and play no games with you beacuse they don't need to be conscious around you any more?Would it be like living in the wild?... Do I want it?

I don't know. Maybe I don't, at least not now. Life is so short and there's so much to do and see. So many people to meet, so many things to experience. I don't think I wanna give it all up just as yet. There's a lot that I owe to people, and I would like to pay that off and I would like to owe a lil more too. I want to live as long as possible , just so that I can do all that I want, and if it means paying off debts, then so be it, I'll keep owing to who I want to owe and what I want to owe. I'll make sure that my life runs like a cashflow system.

There is a lot of love that is lost around us. Wer just don't seem to realize it. Its all around us. Look back at your own life and maybe you would realize that you could have had a lot lesser complexities if you were able to keep your credit limit low. At the same time, be happy, that with a high credit limit, at least now you have a spiced up life. I have learnt what I wanted to learn. Its like my mantra for my life and maybe not aplicable to any one else. I don't have any attachments with anyone except myself. all I am here to do is settle my account and try and close it with no more a/cs payable or debts receivable. Maybe in this attempt, it would be easier to love and let love. Ha ha ha, funny that I still owe my cell phone service provider, the credit card company, the bank and so many other people. Who says money doesn't run the world!

You're Unbelievable!!

I mean, how fucked up can you get man!! I mean seriously how much can ur luck suck!! This is so hilarious that I can't stop laughing at it! And I absolutely HATE and ADMIRE Mr. Murphy for his beautiful law!!
"What can go wrong, will go wrong..."
there is an interesting corollary i derive from this...
"Smile...tomorrow can be worse!"
You guys must be thinkin like what the fuck am I going on about. Like get to the point. What Hapeened??

OK, so here's the deal.

There was this girl who I liked. No no not Ruchika this time! That's way too back man. I mean yes I agree that I still wish that I could have her in my life, but I have stopped pursuing that idea. Its like what the joker says - I am a dog chasing a car, if I would ever catch one I would not know what to do with it!! That's how it is as far as my situation with Ruchika is concerned now.

Anyway, coming back to the topic at hand. So there was this one girl I liked. And so much so that in two weeks of knowing her, I was attracted to her, then started to like here, then started to like her "in that way", and then fell in love with her! However, unfortunately for me it just so happened, that she did not really like me "in that way". Of course there were long telephone conversations, there was a lot of sharing of personal lives, there were ex-boyfriend issues that were sorted, there was cheating too ( unbeleivable right!), there was this one lone kiss - on the phone, in a sms (Unbeleivable right!!), there was a fight too. Oh by the way this was all while she was not even there around me! As in she was out of the city for two months within the first two weeks of me knowing her! Yeah I know! unbel..ok you get the point! :-O

She returned and then the talking went from wekaness to weakness..(opp for strength to strength), neway and things just kept going worse. In fact the last update was that she was dating someone she had met a couple of times only...:-O and that she wanted to get rid of me :-O I must tell you, it left me thinkin that I must be a real bore or a loser! Who else sits and makes collages and listens to coldplay huh??

So I decided that this young fine woman was turning out to be a bad thing for me and that I should cut off from her as soon as possible. So what do I do? Well, I had already reached the stage where I did not want to talk to her. But still, fellings are not really an on and off controlled action. So I decided to tell her that there was something important that I wanted to discuss with her. Something that I wanted to talk about alone. I had to mail her for this!! And then we decided to meet.

But as always, madam was piled up with work and was too tired to do anything. So when she told me when she could meet me, I said yes and then...I ditched! I canned on her! Yeah man, it felt awesome! I mean she thought like that i was on a leash...but ha ha ha! what a feeling!!

And then next day I wrote another mail to her, trying my level best to be nice and low on the sarcasm, kudn't help it though. Hoping I wud get her onto a guilt trip. And the signed off saying that I think we shudn't meet up or talk anymore! Yeah man. Totally! What do you think of it huh? I mean if today she wanted to start a relation with me, maybe I would. But, I still wanted to give it off to her! All you guys out there who have ever felt like trash because a woman was taking you for granted, go ahead and do this, it will make them come back crying! Just don't give in too quickly. Although I must warn you, its not really for the ones with a weak heart. I am not strong man either. I have not been able to stop myself from thinking bout her or messaging her at least once in a day, we'll come to that later. But yes, if you have a strong will, then go for it!

BUT...guess what happened to me. Her internet connection is malfunctioning!! So she hasn't checked her mails yet!!! GOD!!!

Lost...season Viva La Vida!

Haaaaaaaaaaaa.......I am so lost right now!! Damn, actually m a lil scared, with the way my money is moving...shit man, its scary. So we shall not talk about it. In any case I would be mad if I was to discuss, my finances over a blog! Blog...so how do you pronounce this word? is it like

"BLAUGHH.." or is it more like "BLAAG" or would it be more like "BLOW - GH"...

Ahh...its a pointless thing to bother over so much, but then its entertaining isn't it? and plus is that not what we do all the time, brood over pointless things...things that don't really affect us or which cannot really be altered, and yet feel depressed thinking of these things...

But then some things can be really scary you know. And money is one of them. My mom keeps telling me like many other wise ladies, money isn't everything. But that's when I say, without money there's nothing. I started today's blog, not with the agenda to talk about money matters, but as I bagan with it, my own issues seem to have caught upwith me! I mean it is so scary I can't explain what I feel...I was so bad at accounts, I flunked. But now all of a sudden the knowledge seems to be coming back to me from somewhere!! I hope that it helps me get my finances in place asap! Damn! This is so not happening.

Neway, this way or that, i'll have this issue, sorted....after all, its money, it will come back to me somehow or the other. In the meanwhile I have to figure out a way to be able to work around it. Hope that Mr. Murphy doesn't become too active in the meanwhile! Ha ha, my life just seems to be a series of unfortunate events and misadventures! Man someday I'll go so beserk in my head that I'll not know what to do with it!

What does a man need to lead a peaceful life. Lets try and make a list:

1. A good job...he must be doing well and enjoying it.
2. A good salary...good enough to take care of his needs and wants.
3. A good set of friends who like him and accept him the way he is.
4. Love in all its forms.
5. A companion who he can share everything with.

Not too much to ask for is it? but dwell upon it and you realize that there's so much to it. your needs and wants keep changing all the time. as a youngster you wann be able to expereince all the wild things this world offers. you know drink what you want, party when you want, travel the world, eat all the good things, wear all the great labels, drive a fast ride, own a great collection of music, be full of knowledge, the list just goes on and on and on.

A job - ha ha ha ha...I will not be surprised if someone at Google too is cribbing about his work. You can never be happy with your job. Either you'll not like the current one, or miss the old one or be sad with the kind of work you do or the kind of people around or the class you work for something always gets in the way!

A good paycheck - that is even more funny! Thats one thing which is just beyond impossible to get. Money, no matter how much you get, is never enuff! Would you really wanna argue about it?

Love - I have dwelled upon this one f***ed up topic enough that to talk about it anymore would piss me off beyond all understanding. it is the most irritating, manipulating, brain teasing, heart breaking, money screwing, peace destroying thing in the world! I remember, as kids LOVE was an abbreviation for us standing for - Lake of Sorrow, Ocean of Tears, Valley of Death, End of Life

Sounds crazy for a bunch of kids who keep chanting it innocently when they think that some girl is liked by some guy and its just a lil more mature than that "...k...i..s..s..ing!!""

Companion - this is the one thing we always get, but fail to recognise. For me, I've made mistakes too. Somehow, we have the definition of companion a little misconstrued in our minds. A companion doesn't necessarily have to be another person. And hey you wise crackers, its beyond books and music ok. please! I am the only one smart here, so keep your smartness to urselves!! Neway, they are not really wrong though. but my point is a little different. Does it have to be something external always? I dont think so. How many bloggers around the world would be writing regularly, a lot. How many would be getting a frequent response, very few. But they continue to write, while holding a cigarette in their hands, or maybe a joint or maybe a drink...not necessary though. listening to music maybe...rock, pop, metal, trance, house, rap, blues, jazz...not necessary again. but they still write. to you and me, without knowing if they are being read, and if they make any sense at all. regardless, they write, coz they feel they have company. and that's the point! You dont need to have people around you or a special person to call a companion. That is just so ...i dunno, cliche? Bullhsit? or whatever, but try and look at it the way I am looking at it right now. And the minute and i mean it, the minute you do it, you'll always have company pourm in from somewhenre or thae other and all teh other four issues will vanish. not get solved though, i must warn you! Neway, I got mine now, so i'll call it a blog now! C you guys soon.

Retorno!!

This is the new me my friends! Yeah, m back! I don't know if anybody missed me around here. Its been a while I agree, and maybe I lost touch of what to write and how to write. Things havent really changed much. People who were haunting me a years back are still haunting me. In fact there are additions to it, if nothing else. I wrote a full album finally - called the figure of 8. Obviously it will not see beyond my cupboard!! But who knows, maybe someday I'd publish something here. I'm kinda irritatted right now, coz I've to talk to this stupid girl over the phone, who seems to be not getting the hint that I'm not really interested in her. There, finally she puts the phone down. Can you beleive what she was trying to do?? Talk to me on the phone, while watching television, ahich I could here at my end and solve mathematical equations alongwith this!!! Damn, no one but only I can do that without getting caught man!! And like m not even her boyfriend, though i'd wanted to be at some point, but i guess my previous 'essence of life' had to screw it up and jinx it for me before it even began. That reminds me, you guys havent heard about her for a long time have u? She remembered the date, yeah. Seriously she did. 08/08/08 - the divine date of eternity! Hah, I had wanted to get engaged with her on that day, and we dint even reach 12 months of a complete relation. we tried hard, she tried hard, but i guess, stability is something that doesn't want to stay with me. so something had to fuck it up and it did! too bad for me. in fact till recently i was not even talking to her, when she reminded me of the date...

Anyway, fuck that shit, life's moved on. people don't really want to be friends, I've realized that. everyone has a purpose, and friendship is just a garb under which they fulfill that purpose of theirs. Some have a long term and continous purpose, and some a short one. I realized it, and idecided to make as many long term purposes as i could. As always, I had lost contact with the rest of the world for a while in between, hurt quite a few people, pissed off some, so i decided to mend as many as I could. Started with the not so obvious ones. And now, things are moving on.

Besides, I also realized that this one idiotic girl, who turns out to be quite a slut type. I mean she aint sleeping around or anything, but that's the only thing that sleft for her to do i guess. ha ha ha!! i get enraged when i think of her sometimes, but then, Mirage is known to make these mistakes.

My friend has just called. Another guy who has had a tuff life. Fucker's smoking a joint while his dad is sleeping in the next room. everytime i speak to him he tries to convinve me to quit the company m working for.

Hey new poem for all u guys...

I fear that I will always be

A lonely number like root three

A three is all that's good and right,

Why must my three keep out of sight

Beneath a vicious square root sign,

I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,

with just some quick arithmetic

I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321

Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,

Another square root of a three

Has quietly come waltzing by,

Together now we multiply

To form a number we prefer,

Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds

And with a wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued

And love for me has been renewed.

The last train home...

Its the 3rd of June, 1986, 0445 hrs. I am born into this world under lighnitng and storm.
21 years later, nuthing much has changed.....its 0245 hrs, 2 hours to complete the circle around the big star and there's still lighning and storm in my head....guess the weather had come to stay!

Can't sleep....and i am known to be sleepy forever. I don't know why, but there's a person out there i want to love and a person out there i want to kill....for quite some time now, they've been the same, as in its been the same person....and for quite some time the former has been eluding me, the latter been taken up by more than one person. But that is not something we don not experience. I keep saying nothing is constant except change....but seems like my own saying is going back on me....I am just as lost as a pin in a haystack! No m not the pin, neither am I the haystack...I am the searcher, and i am trying hard to know why i have to find that pin. Why this particular pin, i dont seem to be getting an answer, but i search nevertheless..

Love- its a thing you know. You win some u lose some. its worse than money....ppl are crazy bout money, but they earn money to be able to gain love from many sources. Even if it is false! There's no feeling greater than the feeling of knowing that u are loved by someone. The only feeling that can match it is the feeling to know that someone who loved you, doesn't anymore...and i talk only about the intensity. Its the -1 and +1 are equal in a respect. they are both equidisatnt from 0.

Life - is a journey as most ppl say. but what is the journey about...where does it lead to...some smart alecs would say death. but heck there is nothing like that....life is not a journey. its a book. its like u flip a page evryday. most of the times you decide what will be written on that page...in fact 90/100 times u do. and the 10 times u dont, u at least can decide on 5 /10 from those what will influence the writing. but the remaining 5 is what we always crib about...evn i do. imagine 95% of my life is in my hands and i still ruin it over he remaining 5%!!! we humans are funny.
The way i see it, we live our lives running backwards! You can always see the past, and never the future....spooky isn't it? well its true nevertheless...
But sometimes i ask myself, do i really wanna see the future...? Do you...? wouldn't thake away the excitement of life....?
I wish i kud stop running backwards though, its so stupid and inconvinient!

love....is somethign i don't think i'll ever experienc again. i experienced it in the true sense...but i also saw the darkest possib;e side of it! and it hurt....it is unimaginable, so dont ever ask me what i saw...its a time when even the most hardened hearts cried, and i mean it....

Perfection- evryone wants it and no one has it! thats all i can say bout it...

why am i writing all this....coz tomorrow with sunrise, i am trying to be a new person. a new me. i know that the scent of the past is going to lingher on me...but then it has to come off....my soul has to dawn a new look and an new outlook. instead of being a human and having points of view, m gonna try and be the way god does it, have points to view....at least in my life and prioritize them....Gud luck Forward.