NO WAY

Its strange how sometimes you feel so strongly against something but within your heart u still love that person! I guess thats the reason why in the midst of a management class i came up wid this while the chords A, C, E and E-minor played in my head....not in that sequence necessarily! But yeah...its true...there's no sun shining thru!


If I call u once again
Will you turn back to me
Will you hold me by my hand
Or will you go away again

If i make you feel the same
If i show you I have changed
Will you move the sand
Or will you still go digging graves

When the cloud comes back on me
And there's darkness all around
Will you be my light in life
Or will you blow the torch away

Coz there's no sun shining through
There's no sun shining through
There's no light today
And No Way...

If we sow the seeds of love
Will you wait for the flowers to come
Will you help me fight the cold
Or will you count the thorns again

If I break all the walls
If I free the chains of pain
Will you still hold on to them
Or will you walk along wid me

Coz there's no sun shining through
There's no sun shining through
There's no light today
And No Way...

Am always thinkin of you...
Your'e the one I hold on to...
Your'e the one who I turn to...
And there's no damn way....
An there's no sun shining thru...
No sun shining thru...
And no light today
And no way.......

losin my voice...

how does it feel to lose something which u felt was very dear to you...something u knew was ur strength...i always felt that my words were my strength...n now no more. i love to sing....now no more...i love to talk...no more....love to laugh....now no more....coz the doc says.....how can the patient talk when there is no larynx......some call it curable..some incurable....doesn't take away ur life....but its worse....takes away ur ability to speak, to shout, to talk, to sing, to laugh, to cry....
DAMN!! its gonna be a tough life man!

New day..new thoughts

till yestarday i dint wanna be a dog...today i wish i was a dog...put me on a leash if u want...punch me i'll bleed...m not strong...
"i want u to be strong"
"my strength lies in you...m strong against ne1 else...but not you..."

words that keep ringing in my head....

someday soemwhere we'll be together again...
u'll take time and i'll take mine....
but we'll be together....

Awrite

I guess that this is where we've come to and if u dont want to then u dont have to beleive me.
But i wont be there when u go down...just so u know now...ur on ur own now beleive me.

i cant help u fix ur self...but at least i can say i tried...m sorry but i gotta move on wid my own life....
i tear my heart open...i sho myself shine...n myweakness is..that i care too much
and my scars remind me that the past is real
i showed u my feelings
but u didn't understand....

but in the end it doesn't even matter!!!

all of these are songs playing somewhere in my head....what to do...thats how my brain feels.
gotta get thru...
cant be a dog.
can b a fool in love
but not a dog

What am i getting....???

so here i am claiming to the world that i'll wait till the end of time? but there's a part of me askin me a persisitent question....why? for what? what if the wait is endless.....
i say i'll wait. but for who...someone who treats me like tissue...when needed then i am used to wipe tears...or snort! and the end in both the cases is....the bin. this is what i have become and i have let myslef to be reduced to that and still i gon on with it. coz i choose to....why? someone please answer this question for me!!! i love her and she knows that...she sees it...she feels it...yes i fucked up but do i not deserve a second chance...even now when there is a conflict in my mind i blame myself...
i cry...when angels deserve to die......
but why??
u know how it is...all the times m just asked to leave...bluntly...and i still take it...tellin myself at least she talked to me...
dead as dead can be....
am i really an enemy to you? why shud u treat me like me one then?? c'mon dude...u know what i am made of and dont sya u don't coz if u dont then no one does.....i cry every night thinkin of you but what do i get in return....an endless wait to see ur face and that too is so costly that i lay myself open to all humiliation....i take it coz i love you and i take it as my punishment for having hurt you...but please don't be so inhuman....
take my life
let me be a scapegoat
ready to be sacrificed at the alter..
let me be a lamb..
and offer me as the sacred
and smear my blood on all the doors
so that all those who tread astray can know their fate.
but please
dont make me learn to face the knife
dont make me learn to listen to music
i dont want to be strong to face anything
i want to be weak
u arrived when i was weak
and u left m,e only weaker
why must you do this...
why why why why why??
i wanna close my eyes and never open them again
if that's what u wish
then all u gotta do is tell me
and i will
but not this...
not tears where angels deserve to die...
please i love you
i do....
and i regret all these things that i have done!!!
but why have u forsaken me
in ur eyes forsaken me
in ur eyes forsaken me
please.....
i love you.

another fork stuck in the road..

another fork stuck in the road........
everyone knows this song....its simply unpredictable, but in the end its right....i hope u had the time of ur life....
but what did i do..i took the road less travelled by....and got lost....i love her i love you angel and i will not, ever in this life stop loving you....u have been the one...u have been the one for me....

this is it...

u gotta be too fucked up in the head to do a thing like this...or u gotta be demented in love....
i guess i was both...more in love than insane...
lets just say insanely in love...
so much so that i lied to get my own grave and then now i cry over my death.........
strange isn't it...
now hwen i wanna live
i acn't...coz i framed my own murder...cool.....
u r a hero mirage.....
u just are a HERO!!!
U ARE A FUCKIN IDIOT that's what u are.
whats the point of writing these blogs now when u cant even change an inch in ur life...u mite believe that u can but the truth the fuckin truth which u never ever told is that u r fucked beyond imagination
thanx zooba for savin my life
thanx ann for bein there
thanx angel for lovin me...thanx a lot baby coz i kudn't....
thanx everyone
but it time for the curtain to drop...and this show of harakiri to end!!!!

Yeah...

my friend put up my sketch u know. and hey i know now what its like to feel like ur dream come true. u wanna see the metamorphosis, go to www.lifehasaresetbutton.blogspot.com and u'll see it evolving there. thanx to his 2 megapixel cam fone, and thanx to adobe. this is my dedication to my beloved. man i feel on top of the world today.!!!

m bored

m so bored today!!! gosh one fuckin loooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg day!!! saala koi kaam hi nahi hai! i am sooo sleepy. dad is going back tonite and he is palpitating for his tickets. lets see what can be done as far as that is concerned. lets see. yaaaaaaawwwwnnnn........man i gotta go meet ruchi also and then i gotta recharge my phone too...damn man i am so lazy today. finally got over all my diary entry times. its gud fun u know. i blog here and back in my room i write diaries.so if some1 was to read me they'd have to see both the places!!. neways i'll go now and then come back tomorrow maybe. megha is coming into town soon so that shud be nice. lets see.
chalo bye

ever felt this way

Hey have u ever felt that u were just walking in a passage and like it was just a walk. that u knew what was at the end and u knew its not what u want and still walked. as if there was something which kept telling you that go on, maybe u are not right. maybe there is something else, maybe there is a turn in the passage. i mean seriously, i have always beleived that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but whether thats the sunshine or the oncoming train is something u don't realise too soon. we sometimes know that ppl are takin us for a ride and all that shit and still we go on. at least i do. everyday i tell myself i'll change, the more i resist the pattern, the stronger it gets, and the worse is when i declare it to someone that i am going to change and they see me going completely opposite and then they mock u further or ask u stupid questions like - why??
seriously, i need to take time out man. but think bout it, if u felt this way. we shall talk then

i like what is happening here

so ppl have been visiting my pages and my blogs and i like that. even though i know who it is she still signs off as anonymous, and i wudn't be surprised if she denies it all. but the best part is tha she cant do much other that just telling me where m going wrong. i like that, coz it proves the fact that what i am doing is making a mark and ppl want me to change to their liking. and i have been doing that so much now, that m getting sick of that. seriously, i mean i have been moulding myself so much that i have began to lose whi i am. and it hurts, coz, the more i mould myself, the more is asked from me. but then again it will happen only till a point, and after that there wudn't be anything left for me to change and then it wud all end. coz i cant change anymore, and when i cant change, i refuse to obey the law of nature. and then nature will either destroy me or the circumstances that give rise to all that change. i dont want either to happen. i wish that whil i change it is noticed and i am not asked to let go of myself completely. i wanna live happily. i wanna love like i never wud love again. i wanna feel loved i wud never experience it. i want to be cared for just as i wud care for u, i want to be heard just as i wud listen to you. i want you to be my greatest admirer just as i am yours. i want you to defend me against all my criticism, just as i do. i love my life and i want you to love yours.oh god, gimme my happiness back. gimme my freedom back. give it back to me. please god, please.